Conscientiousness may be viewed as a scam. It was sexually-selected for over the course of human evolution in agriculturalist societies.
Now, perhaps, we helplessly feel a need to suffer and work for the hidden motives of status and sex. Or perhaps we feel a need to indulge in the fantasy of everlasting escape from suffering and work. Neither of these are fulfilling.
That is the wheel of existence that forms my cross.
I saw that neither of these were fulfilling, so I chose to exploit that knowledge to my benefit and discover what was truly enjoyable, truly the safest move available to me.
With that intention, I called my Youtube channel kill(ss)ing Asuka. kill(ss)ingasuka is a reference to the superposition of the intelligence not wanting to become a man and the warrior needing to become a man.
In those videos, you see the child. My face and demeanor become extremely different in person, due to a contraction from “high-status comfort” to “threatened by randomness of other minds entering me.” Therefore I look more manly and serious to a degree that might seem irreconcilable in “the same person.”
What ends up protecting the inner-child is the warrior that doesn’t forget this self-preservation instinct. And that is the only thing that I identify with – my own dream. A dream that I suffered for.
I want to affect “reality,” whatever that means.
Initially, a child doesn’t believe in a reality that it stands in relation to, and therefore it is punished. This causes a better reality.
In a multiverse where affecting “many people” doesn’t make sense, and where people are not discrete ontological units (because memory is a generative process no different to surgically merging brains, for one thing) why should we do difficult things?
The argument for radical self-drive oriented towards Good as opposed to either immediate gratification or just working is the following:
We are currently a signaling machine. We will not function in accord with my best self-preservation interests if I do not impress something called “people.” However, I do not compete at the World Cup or at being the most well-known celebrity because this is an arbitrary notion of what people mean. Therefore, I do what is most impressive to I. I choose what I am and therefore what people means.
That’s why I didn’t attend high school my senior year and went into financial markets instead. My choice to go to college for some years to study biochemistry was with the intention of helping in the fight against aging. But deep inside, I knew that I would not make a significant contribution, and that I was just diving into science in order to have a comparative advantage against other memes that I would be competing against in the digital realm that had not invested in suffering rationality. There was knowledge in science that could anchor the sea of increasingly homogeneous entertainment due to hard science being increasingly less explored.
The motto for all humans should be this: When I discover the thing that is most impressive and that I can perform with my own body, that is what I do.
You will find that even when you gain freedom, you will not enjoy your freedom thoroughly if it is not impressive to someone special – whatever someone special happens to mean. People want more than the comfortable love of a mother who loved you from the beginning anyway, they want the earned love of a discriminator.
To that end, I build money, this is a tolerance barrier that I attain through my own effort, in the same way that I attained sustenance of life through stoic philosophy, dispassionate meditation, and working out. It is a barrier against random noise of 1’s and 0’s from the chaotic random distribution.
I say: Take advantage of resources, for these are scarce boons in reality. I don’t feel shame saying, “No” to that postulated entity which deviates from the path of what is most impressive to me. That ability to tear at the rotting vine is where I differ, and it is therefore my comparative advantage. I can choose to believe in my own destiny and my own dream, and not what has been offered as a path for me.
In fact, I had the highest mathematics MAP score in my entire high school as a sophomore. This occurred in the absence of being a very motivated student. The lack of motivation was partially due to being placed in a perceived low-income environment, although I hated to admit this was a factor at all at the time because I didn’t understand the subconsciously internalized significance of relative hierarchies. To admit that my peers and upbringing had a constraining influence on me felt like I was playing some sort of weakness-card, and I had too much pride for that.
But anyway, when I took the test, I was a student in a geometry class but discovered how to solve calculus on the spot by just slowly processing all the different things that might have been expected from me, and therefore all the different things that might have gone through the head of the person who designed the calculus. And it was because I had been gifted unlimited time that I was able to achieve this.
Now, given my ability in both writing and mathematics, I should have gone to a good university. But then I decided to cross my arms and sleep on top of my ACTs. I decided to skip my senior year and did it online instead.
It was after thorough dissatisfaction with life and death that I attended college for some years to study biochemistry. Yet even through the nests of polar and covalent bonds, my main concern was with the lever of “greatest” influence.
It is true that any motion in the market will be balanced. For every win, there must be a loser. A drop of honey is traded for a drop of blood everywhere that valence fluxes in the multiverse. But I believe that I know better use of resources than the fools that I scalp.
The danger is taking comfort in forgetting that everything is privilege, that death is real, that earning is temporary and no different from what is privilege, or “not earned.” When people forget this, people develop edifices of String Theory and Postmodern Literary Criticism – misaligned work. They buy empty houses that impress no one. I have to do what is best for I, and that is a balance between the necessary evil that arises in self that doesn’t realize the truth of Open Individualism and the privileged flashes of good self that realizes that he must be separate in order to sustain the training Being.
Sex is a scam. It’s just really great pointing: