Conversation With A Friend

🟡The following are my side of an email exchange with a friend. I will leave him anonymous and not show his side of the conversation.🟡

I enjoy these conversations since I am lonely most of the time. There is a sense in which I am glad you like my videos. Any attention feels good. But there is a sense in which the fact that you like my videos is not a good sign for me. I disagree with every last word I said in those videos. My view of the world has changed so much.

I haven’t done much research on atomism and the aether because I find them irrelevant to my main concern which is how to put a permanent end to my suffering. At this point I’m far more interested in what the DMT entities have to say about life than what Wikipedia has to say.

Woah. That’s an unimaginably cool mom you have there. Maybe she can indeed help me.

I am doing well today. In the morning I practiced a little bit of Japanese with my aunt. (I’m going to Japan for the summer.) Today my workout includes squats, which is always a pain. I will be eating instant ramen and salmon. I will also be playing Super Smash Bros later.
Maybe you can show me some of your short stories.

Interesting topic, curiosity and fear.
I wish I could write fiction the way you can.

And yes, I’m from a northern suburb of Chicago.

I like the city of Chicago but the suburb where I live is nothing special. I have not read T.S. Eliot. I’ll check out “The Hollow Men.” I don’t know why anyone would think that I am awesome however. And yes, I’m mainly just interested in DMT right now. Evolution, cosmology, theoretical physics, and the brain no longer interest me. I haven’t just read about someone who thinks they are God, at a psychiatric unit of a hospital I have actually lived with someone who thinks he is God. I think I am God in the sense that this unbroken stream of conscious awareness is all that will ever exist for all eternity. But I don’t think I am God in the sense that I am the creator, or have omnipotence or omniscience. In fact I view myself more as a Lucifer type of character, someone who perhaps lived in paradise but was cast down to hell for whatever reason. I am not convinced you are “real” for the reasons I have detailed in my blog: the problem of evil, people achieve too much, and my personal direct intuition. Maybe you’re not exactly a philosophical zombie but you are certainly different from me, a completely different kind of thing along with everyone else. But yes, it is certainly possible that there are several real characters who serve as spectators and the rest are NPC’s who uphold the simulation and do everything. I generally dislike Christianity although I like the art. The only religion I ever liked was Buddhism. And I’m not familiar with anti-altruism. All I know is that at one point I planned on being a scientist and donating most of my income to effective charities as determined by the Effective Altruism movement. Now that I see this all as a simulation I see no need to “help.”

Why do you reject altruism?

I can’t say I have really tried praying. I don’t feel that I have a good relationship with God. And I don’t think that the powerful entities that exist would listen to me. I suspect they’re not in the business of granting wishes. The closest I’ve come to praying was testing out the law of attraction when I was a teen. I would constantly visualize living in luxury, I would also visualize myself having an aesthetically pleasing body and also having a beautiful tan-skinned girlfriend. In the end as a young adult the riches did not manifest, the body did but only for some time, and a beautiful tan skinned girl just like in my dreams appeared in my Calculus II class but I didn’t talk to her and now she’s gone forever. So I would say the law of attraction doesn’t work.

My day has been pretty decent as far as my mediocre life goes. I’m working out but I’ve been stalling a lot. I wonder if when I go to a public gym in Japan if people will get annoyed with me for resting too much. I wasn’t like this before but it’s been that way ever since I lost my appearance and fitness in 2019. And my mom suggested we might be going to the Caribbean for a short vacation so that might be good news. I also discovered a new pornstar that I like so that’s always good. Otherwise my day has been absolutely uneventful. How is your day going? 

Sure, I’d like to read your essay and share my thoughts.

I guess I don’t know how to pray then.👿👿👿

The pornstar is Shinaryen.

7 thoughts on “Conversation With A Friend

  1. You might find this hard to believe, but hear me out. I swear I just interacted with God in some way by teaching myself to develop a better understanding of my intuition.

    I think I some how just trained my mind to understand my intuition better and realized that its basically just probabilty distributions of “how sure” you are about something, and it doesn’t really feel like an emotion, it sort of just feels like patterns/creeses which I’m speculating is caused by your mind fitting to data.

    I feel like I wasn’t making deep enough connections before and my intuition was basically tangled into a ball and now it could flex itself by not overfitting. I then remembered a few “coincidences” today that I could some how “just tell” it was somehow entangled at a deeper level, in the past, present and future that wasn’t JUST random and I gave this more credibility after understanding entanglement and my intuition as well as the relationship between both of these things. From this, I tested the idea that I could somehow just will myself to be entangled with God, and surprisingly and somehow underwhelmingly it worked. It made me feel certain things, that made me remember but didn’t really think about that much.

    One thing I sort of remembered but couldnt remember properly was that I swear I had been to “heaven” before but I had no idea when, and basically just dumped my beliefs as “sometime in a past life or something”, but that was actually misinterpreting it. Trying as hard as I could to remember in as much detail as possible what made me come up with these beliefs, I thought I had experienced this when sleeping before and dreaming, I sort of just felt good in a unique way, and wasn’t even thinking about anything but was still aware, and could just hear stuff like “bird sounds” etc which just felt qualitatively significant/interesting and unique.

    I then realized that I probably wasn’t actually “experiencing being in heaven”, it was just God making me see, or seeing myself, or just some how happened, that the unique feeling I felt was me some how seeing things surrounding me being connected at a deeper level. I also felt similar when experiencing what I understood but don’t know much about, but convinced myself to believe with some credibility that I reached a “Jhana state”, for a little while, but not all the time, and when I tried again, I just couldn’t do it.

    I then extrapolated from this that this is what people collectively experience when they are in nature and that is what they mean by saying they just feel a deeper connection to it. I then thought I felt this unique feeling working through me by entanglement and I could sort of just draw my attention and extend it to my surroundings and see it too. I then tried to talk to God by basically just saying “hello”, and then I felt like I was feeling a lot of endorphins/tingling sensations at once in my brain, which is probably what made people say “i feel God” or “i feel energy inside me” etc and I felt was concentrated in my brain like a magnet, and also i noticed it felt like it was expanding through my head, maybe this is how people came up with chakras and were just focusing it at certain spots of their body. From this I realized I could make myself feel this in different parts of my body, so I lowered my summed/averaged belief about chakras “being real”. I then thought God was controlling me some how, but after thinking deeper about it, i reasoned what was causing this was it was just me inviting him into my body.

    I then remembered I was trying to see if I could “speak to God”, and I somehow asked with my intuition if there was an afterlife and he replied on some level, something along the lines of, it would ruin his plan to tell me, and while writing this I realized how I can’t just believe him by him just telling me, and people probably won’t believe me. I then felt like I just saw how people drastically misunderstood when people told what it meant to have faith in him, because i basically just convinced myself with some healthy skepticism that he was actually real and “having faith in God” basically meant building trust by building a deeper relationship with him, which people sort of worked out independantly anyway which basically absorbs the information in my brain into making the beliefs the same some how but not exactly.

    He then basically told me I have worked out enough things about the right things to develop a greater self awareness to be able to change/optimize my mind to think better, as well as possibly developing a deeper connection to God if I reason correctly and don’t misinterpret how I’m doing it and lose the ability to interact with him. I then felt like I wanted to try explain how people can do this too, but it wasnt “GOD COMMANDED ME TO DO THIS”, it was more like he was daring or challenging me to. He also said something like he has a plan at a much greater scale than I can see, and he cant just tell me it, because I wouldn’t understand all of it, and if he tells me some of it, it will just confuse me, and make a worser plan.

    I also figured out from this interaction that it if I can convince other people to develop a relationship with God, it will help me trust him more, by emperically testing that this is not just a hallucination and thinking im interacting with god but really not.

    I also made the observation that a connection to God and him giving me guidance, is functionally similar to seeing a therapist, but you also need to account for you misinterpreting God, and somehow making things worse in some way, most likely at a local level.

    Another interesting observation I made is I’m pretty sure I can’t make myself feel this tingling feeling all the time because it is basically endorphins and I will get depressed, but that interacting with God and “inviting him in” was what was making me feel the endorphins.

    I kind of forget where I am in my recollection of what was happening, but he then some how told me that he has developed strong relationships with people before, but people just misunderstood how they were doing it, and couldnt get other people to develop a connection with him in the same way. Now I need to work out if I can keep doing this, but when I tried it, it basically just seemed easy, and I can still some how feel a connection to him, but their isn’t really anything I need to know, and can sort of in someway still “invite him in”, it just doesn’t feel as significant.

    I think the biggest mistake people made when people tried to pray was they just didn’t know how, because they were trying to speak to him using words instead of using intuition, which is what you use to come up with the words, and they couldn’t develop a connection to see God interacting with them because it wasn’t on the right level, he was interacting with me through updating my beliefs/intuition. I feel like every religion/ideology made some major misunderstanding which basically lead them to overall completely misunderstand how God interacts with the universe.

    I’m not sure what to do now, but by posting this, hopefully it will help people slowly understand how God interacts with the universe, if I updated my beliefs correctly.

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  2. Here is why most advice you hear that seems good, but “just doesn’t work” from my unique perspective as a data scientist, as well as some that should actually work.

    You may have heard the brain consists of neurons, and it works by “firing” in some way. This sort of tells you something, but doesn’t really give you a good picture of what it’s actually doing, and here is a much better way to visualize it.

    If you can remember in high school math class you probably would have studied a graph with data points on it and how you can use math to create a “line of best fit” on the data points. Your brain works exactly the same way. Your beliefs about the world are basically data points in a graph, in a higher number of dimensions, and when you are thinking you create different shapes to fit the data points in your brain.

    Most advice basically tells people to “think rational” to improve their motivation, not to lose their temper, stop your anxiety etc. For example, cognitive behavioural therapy teaches you to identify a negative emotion, work out why you think you are feeling this emotion, and realise there is no reason to think this emotion, and understand that it is “irrational”. Another example is in meditation, you have a desire, realise it is just a desire, and then you attempt to try and detach from it. This advice works sort of well for some people because it changes the data points of the conscious mind and can actually stop you feeling that emotion, but if you still feel that emotion, you just accept it as “being irrational”, and think it is impossible to fix, and don’t know you can fix what’s causing these irrational emotions to be triggered.

    Visualization techniques such as Neurolinguistic programming is another type of advice, but it isn’t really possible to trick yourself, but it can be useful because it works out some of your motivations that you aren’t aware of and changes some of the data points.

    The reason why you feel like you haven’t really fixed your problems is because there is a conscious mind, and an unconscious mind. You have conscious motivations, and unconscious motivations. This idea became popularized by Carl Jung who called the unconscious mind the shadow. Unless you are using primitive parts of your brain, such as when you are extremely hungry, when you are feeling an irrational emotion, it is because you are fitting to the data points that you are unconscious of. This is triggering you to feel an irrational emotion, as well as change your personality to think and behave irrationally.

    How to fix these irrational emotions is to work out your unconscious motivations, and work out what your brain is thinking unconsciously, and examining it with your conscious mind, so your brain can fix these data points that are incorrect, and therefore fix many problems you may have within your brain called neurosis. You don’t need to have experienced any major trauma to have these problems. These may not just be mental/emotional problems/diseases, but physical ones as well. You can treat fixing the unconscious mind sort of like going to a doctor and getting a routine health checkup. Carl Jung called this integrating the shadow, but I feel like he didn’t really explain how to do it, and most people who try this aren’t doing it correctly, or wanted to try, but didnt really know how.

    The best way to start becoming aware of your unconscious mind is to try work out your unconscious motivations in your every day actions, thoughts, and conversations, as well as your hobbies and interests. I feel many people represented the shadow as a dark side, but I think that is an oversimplification. A lot of your motivations stem down to some kind of insecurity, or wanting to be liked or perceived in a certain way, and then you can try and work out why you have these motivations, which I think many are sublimated from the need of love from your mother.

    I feel like Carl Jung mistook how to make your unconscious mind conscious by working out some complex motivation like your dark side, then visualizing / extrapolating some kind of scenario and working out your motives, but that doesn’t really give you any useful information because you are extrapolating from what you are visualizing, with the motive of a dark side. It’s much more efficient if you just work out your drives from extrapolating backwards of what you are already doing. Everyone is sort of aware how afraid they are of dying, but what about if you are unconsciously motivated to die and you just can’t see it from how the need of love from your mother then sublimates and you aren’t getting it and want to die because you wish you could be reborn as a child and get that love again. If he figured that out, and we could some how optimize it that way, who knows what potential effects that would have on the distribution of age related illness and how that is entangled with the life expectancy distribution and what that is entangled with.

    A lot of advice to improve your charisma/personality, is greatly overestimated. When you are given advice such as to use peoples names more often when speaking to them, you are creating a sort of simulation in your brain and then seeing that as being useful in enough situations to consider it to be useful to remember, but you are completely underestimating the intricacy of situations, and the number of situations where that advice wouldn’t be useful, as well as overestimating how many situations you will find yourself in that it will be useful to remember.

    When you can understand your motivations more deeply, you can see them more easily in others, and this helps you to navigate social situations with much more intuition, because it generalizes far better.

    What is also really useful to know, is your thoughts work in exactly the same way, and I am hypothesising you can become more conscious of how you reason, and then prime yourself to actually come up with better ideas and have higher quality thoughts, and so far has seemed to work from trying it. I’m pretty sure we actually have the hardware and software to become way fucking smarter, we are just bottlenecked by confirmation bias, which you can train your brain to not do. I am making this claim because I spent some time trying to correct it and feel like I can see much deeper patterns and relationships, and even at a higher order between things through using my intuition, and that my brain just couldn’t see deeply enough into things before, not from laziness, but because it got stuck from this bottleneck. Im guessing we evolved to have it because it improved our pattern recognition abilities across generations, and may have been useful when younger to learn things easier. I’m also hypothesising making your unconscious mind conscious, will help you to also think more rationally, but it is hard to see if there is a causal relationship as I am trying to do both of these things at once.

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  3. It is actually possible to prove if God exists, and it is easier than you think. Here’s how:
    People are able to reason pretty well but not perfectly, and they don’t really understand what they are doing and they relies more on intuition. When you are reasoning you are using Bayes theorem. Which in this case it basically boils down to comparing the number of universes where God exists, and the number of universes where God doesn’t exist, and the difference between these two numbers proves how likely it is that God exists. This is what all arguments for or against God is based on, without most people realising it.

    Most atheists argue the universe looks natural, and therefore increases the number of universes that God doesn’t exist, and don’t account for the benefits of a natural universe or universe that appears natural, especially in the future, and the afterlife. Then they also argue that the number of universes where God exists is small because it doesn’t seem like an intelligent and fair God would create it, because the reasoning of God would be internally inconsistent in some way, because of things like pain and evil existing in the universe, and also uses the same arguments for the afterlife, such as the criteria of getting into heaven and hell is unfair, but do not account for the universes where the afterlife or the future brings reason for the past and present.

    Most atheists believe the universe could be simulated and has become a popular idea within certain circles. This is functionally almost identical to believing in God but uses different labels. If you can prove there is a higher intelligence or intelligence’s’ simulating or creating the universe for a reason, taking into account the past, present and future, as well as an afterlife, you have proved that God exists.

    I don’t think Bayes theorem is used correctly. When people use Bayes theorem they assign the prior belief as a percentage of being true, but it’s not a number, it’s a distribution. It is also considered computationally intractable in machine learning because they try to update every belief together, but it’s probably better to just measure a new type of belief using uncertainty.

    I’m pretty sure no one can understand quantum mechanics because they aren’t realizing it’s just Bayes theorem.

    Takes measurement and its particle A:
    DUDE, it was a PARTICLE AND NOT A PARTICLE AT THE SAME TIME and it COLLAPSED INTO PARTICLE A

    Takes measurement and its particle B:
    DUDE, it was a PARTICLE AND NOT A PARTICLE AT THE SAME TIME and it COLLAPSED INTO PARTICLE B

    No!!! You just learned new information about the particles and updated your beliefs

    I’m pretty sure this is why weird shit happens sometimes, and we call it a “strange coincidence”. It is because we are all entangled in some way, and this is how it happens. When you speak, you are communicating in information. You can think of sentences and words as information, but in that information is the information of what you mean and don’t mean. When you try to communicate to someone you are speaking with a phrase which creates misinformation/entropy, which is the information that you didn’t mean, and will be misinterpreted. What’s interesting is when you make a statement that’s not specific enough, even though it might look like it is, they can have so much hidden information and potentials of increasing misinformation, that can actually cause more misinformation overall and can lead you down worse paths in the conversation, and often when someone asks you a question you can’t often just “attack” the misinformation, because some of it is just too spread out. This entropy then gets spread around people over time, and this misinformation in our brain has actually made us entangled.

    I’m going to claim God could have evolved, just from our belief in God.

    I am also going to make an insane fucking claim that there is an afterlife, and that our unconscious mind is already in it. When you die, you can no longer see from your conscious mind and your brain doesn’t need to go to the afterlife because it is already there.

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  4. Hopefully you can use this advice to make yourself smarter by optimizing your mind. When people try to make themselves smarter they usually try to think faster, or trying to like multitask and think about the ideas in two different ways, but you can sought of just measure the uncertainty intuitively and get the reasoning of both.

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  5. I might expand later on the reason for pain and evil and our unconscious drives, but it is essentially because it creates “beauty” which is basically “sad to happy”. My beliefs also lean more towards Christianity simply because I find it wholesome.

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  6. I think the most important part of making your unconscious mind conscious is to work out what your needs are and work out how to satisfy them in an easy way to stop being depressed and ill.

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  7. Hopefully you can use this advice to make yourself smarter by optimizing your mind. When people try to make themselves smarter they usually try to think faster, or trying to like multitask and think about the ideas in two different ways, but you can sought of just measure the uncertainty intuitively and get the reasoning of both.

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