🟡The following are my side of an email exchange with a friend. I will leave him anonymous and not show his side of the conversation.🟡
I enjoy these conversations since I am lonely most of the time. There is a sense in which I am glad you like my videos. Any attention feels good. But there is a sense in which the fact that you like my videos is not a good sign for me. I disagree with every last word I said in those videos. My view of the world has changed so much.
I haven’t done much research on atomism and the aether because I find them irrelevant to my main concern which is how to put a permanent end to my suffering. At this point I’m far more interested in what the DMT entities have to say about life than what Wikipedia has to say.
Woah. That’s an unimaginably cool mom you have there. Maybe she can indeed help me.
Interesting topic, curiosity and fear.
I wish I could write fiction the way you can.
I like the city of Chicago but the suburb where I live is nothing special. I have not read T.S. Eliot. I’ll check out “The Hollow Men.” I don’t know why anyone would think that I am awesome however. And yes, I’m mainly just interested in DMT right now. Evolution, cosmology, theoretical physics, and the brain no longer interest me. I haven’t just read about someone who thinks they are God, at a psychiatric unit of a hospital I have actually lived with someone who thinks he is God. I think I am God in the sense that this unbroken stream of conscious awareness is all that will ever exist for all eternity. But I don’t think I am God in the sense that I am the creator, or have omnipotence or omniscience. In fact I view myself more as a Lucifer type of character, someone who perhaps lived in paradise but was cast down to hell for whatever reason. I am not convinced you are “real” for the reasons I have detailed in my blog: the problem of evil, people achieve too much, and my personal direct intuition. Maybe you’re not exactly a philosophical zombie but you are certainly different from me, a completely different kind of thing along with everyone else. But yes, it is certainly possible that there are several real characters who serve as spectators and the rest are NPC’s who uphold the simulation and do everything. I generally dislike Christianity although I like the art. The only religion I ever liked was Buddhism. And I’m not familiar with anti-altruism. All I know is that at one point I planned on being a scientist and donating most of my income to effective charities as determined by the Effective Altruism movement. Now that I see this all as a simulation I see no need to “help.”
Why do you reject altruism?
I can’t say I have really tried praying. I don’t feel that I have a good relationship with God. And I don’t think that the powerful entities that exist would listen to me. I suspect they’re not in the business of granting wishes. The closest I’ve come to praying was testing out the law of attraction when I was a teen. I would constantly visualize living in luxury, I would also visualize myself having an aesthetically pleasing body and also having a beautiful tan-skinned girlfriend. In the end as a young adult the riches did not manifest, the body did but only for some time, and a beautiful tan skinned girl just like in my dreams appeared in my Calculus II class but I didn’t talk to her and now she’s gone forever. So I would say the law of attraction doesn’t work.
My day has been pretty decent as far as my mediocre life goes. I’m working out but I’ve been stalling a lot. I wonder if when I go to a public gym in Japan if people will get annoyed with me for resting too much. I wasn’t like this before but it’s been that way ever since I lost my appearance and fitness in 2019. And my mom suggested we might be going to the Caribbean for a short vacation so that might be good news. I also discovered a new pornstar that I like so that’s always good. Otherwise my day has been absolutely uneventful. How is your day going?
Sure, I’d like to read your essay and share my thoughts.
I guess I don’t know how to pray then.👿👿👿
The pornstar is Shinaryen.