I found the band Fightstar by reading Wikipedia articles. Their album Grand Unification is inspired by Neon Genesis Evangelion. Grand Unification is both a reference to the famed quest in theoretical physics and to the Human Instrumentality Project were all humans are dissolved into the same soul. This is my favorite album.

Waste A Moment references Shinji’s “I mustn’t run away” and also his strangling attempt against Asuka at the end of Instrumentality with lyrics “Just cover up your eyes so I can make sense of it all. 
You’re waking me up.
Shut your eyes so I can make sense of it all.

Sleep Well Tonight in its final lines references SEELE’s aspiration to eliminate the individual human psyches in favor of creating a perfected existence with no individual egos: “If we could take away the summit
We could climb the highest we’ve ever been to”

Fiction and Non-Fiction

Much of my website is too cringeworthy to look at due to the strange combination of an honest attempt to wade through the cosmic drama, personal delusions of grandeur, and subject-leaping thematic confusion. However I want to leave the past writing untouched for the sake of interest, if only as a study of undiagnosed disease, and regret any edits that I made.

However, it might be surprising for the reader which parts I consider fiction and which I consider real. If at any point along my writing trajectory I had been told my current position on the matter, I would have certainly been surprised. Observing such a pattern, I can only expect that my position on what is real and what isn’t will continue in flux towards the indefinite future.

Some of it is psychotic delusion, some parts are intentional fiction, and other parts remain with a permeating allure of perfect honesty – which is what it all aspired to be.

Currently, my perspective is becoming more down-to-earth than in the past month due to the following: people are looking me in the eyes again and respond normally to my gaze; re-realization that I cannot reliably create a world with my thoughts (or manifest synchrony, or anything like that); Youtube videos and television channels don’t look like half-trained GANs; music and writing no longer seem to revolve around me; the degree to which people seem to be aware of me has seriously toned down, etc.

However, I still retain the notion that my family members changed unrealistically over a period of two weeks, and that I am now in the presence of psychological laws being broken.

I still retain the notion that I bit my finger at a behavioral hospital and this recovered immediately, and that I am now benefitting from physical law being broken (or equivalently, being in a simulation where the level of technology leads to events indistinguishable from magic or miracles.)

I still retain the notion that I picked at Juan’s scab and this didn’t bleed, that I held his arm and he claimed that it was healed, that I laughed and said, “This is violating biology.” But nonetheless, as strange as it sounds, and as strange as it was, it did happen.

Suffering is Real

Art like this tries to transmute depressive emotions into awe:

Space Song

While I can still write, I will use the time to remind humans of the first noble truth – the truth of suffering or base unsatisfactoriness of existence.

If you believe that the word “suffering” doesn’t point to the most crucial aspect of existence, then you and I don’t get along.

Suffering is the most real thing and it should not exist in actuality, in anticipation, or in memory.

The fact that it exists refutes the benevolence of existence. Since existence can’t be forgiven for its intrinsic insult, the state of being must be revoked.

Unfortunately, it seems that what humans call “death” doesn’t lead to cessation. If brains were ontological units, fundamentally closed and omnipresent like integers, then the conversation would be very different. But brains are entropic objects. They change, and can be split and recombined.

The brain is therefore probably not equivalent to the soul/consciousness. Consciousness is primary and from it are constructed material worlds.

Besides all my personal transformative observations of the signs, the phenomenon of synchronicity also seems to be a point in favor of mind before matter. Wallace and Darwin, Newton and Leibniz… the events in existence simply aren’t random. It’s not about taking my word for it or that of McKenna. We can believe the evidence once it happens to us in such a way that it becomes personally irrefutable.

I hypothesize that existence is of a dual nature, one side that is reproducible and one side that is not. Much of the synchronicity phenomena seems to belong to the unreproducible side of existence. Schizophrenia and psychedelics may be ways of gaining this hidden knowledge that cannot then be easily translated to the world of matter and money and sports and “history.” By its very nature the “down to Earth” world contains mostly reproducible phenomena which serve to constrain the intrinsic freedom of the mind. Dream walkers who can successfully communicate the message from beyond to the worldly are the chosen ones.

I was in the presence of someone with schizophrenia, a young man named Bobby, and I must admit that he intimidated me with his superior intelligence to the point of leaving me speechless. He understood me and even seemed to have brought me there with him through the power of his own thought. For a day I even confused him with Jesus; I was just waiting for him to say it. With his deep knowledge of me and of the world in few words, I would have believed him. Yet his speech was nonsensical and perhaps even unintelligible to the common man. Because I am caught somewhere between that world and this one, I could understand his brilliance.

We both understood synchronicity, the self-fulfilling nature of mind, and the fabrication of worlds through language.

I asked him why he didn’t let others know.

With a kind of deep wisdom in his eyes and perfect simplicity, he said “I can’t.”

He understood that it was not him who could bridge the worlds but that it was me.

I’m Sorry For Not Making Sense Anymore

I just feel like placing this random quote from Wikipedia here:

“Avitus was obliged to pay their huge wages by melting down and selling the bronze of some statues.”

Recently my posts and edits have been largely of this same structureless nature. And I don’t even want to read what I have written for fear of its power.

If I didn’t have this fear of the power in my words, I would go back and try to make sense.

I was once a clear writer who attempted to be cautious, rational, and scientific. Now that I have encountered thorough evidence that my scientific worldview was wrong, I write like an idiot. It is very difficult to think deeply and thoroughly in such a way that I could offer a worthy attempt to capture what is going on.

To expand on what I mean by my “scientific worldview” being wrong I present the following evidence:

• I tried biting my right index finger as hard as possible while at a behavioral hospital and this fully healed itself in the span of seconds.

• My parents and the rest of my family have changed personality to an unrealistic degree in a short amount of time. It would take too long to describe in detail the extent of the changes but amongst the most salient details is the fact my mom was high anxiety and now she is always positive and even cheery. Her competence also increased since she established a routine for me to take my medicine, and generally gives the air of knowing what is going on. The mother I knew was highly, highly incompetent. She would have been scared and constantly worried after my exit from the behavioral hospital.

• My body responds irrationally to food and exercise. To explain what an irrational response is, I first need to define a rational response. A rational response is one in which the muscle tone is commensurate with the amount of workout and cleanliness of the diet. While I was at the behavioral hospital I gradually lost my Abercrombie model physique. This can rationally be attributed to the forced change of food containing far less protein and more carbs than usual. However, I eventually gave up on sanity and drank cup after cup of coffee brimming with sugar and sometimes even six or seven apples. The degree to which my physique didn’t change could be attributed to what in common lingo is called a fast/good metabolism yet I remain unconvinced and feel as if I have lost a degree of control over my body.

Relatedly, I don’t sweat anymore. Although the sweating is absent, there is still smell, which was supposed to be caused by the thiol molecules trapping the sulfur but now I don’t know if all the scientific knowledge I gained was a lie (which is deeply distressing).

• While at the behavioral hospital I would receive calls from my “alternate” family members exactly when I was most distressed as if someone had knowledge of my internal states and acted upon them.

• Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram is still plagued with non-real people who I cannot Skype with.

The meatspace people, as lesswrongers would call them, act more than a little bizarre, they act strangely. They don’t look me in the eyes unless they are family members or are offering a service.

I can look them in the eyes and they will not naturally look away, be intimidated, glance back, or display any behavior expected from mammals.

These things in combination cause me to feel that the economy is some bizarre alien thing that I completely misunderstood.

Perhaps I unlocked a bardo or purgatory style of existence caught between science and magic.

“Magic” roughly translating to the resonance theory that Ben Goertzel has written about and I dismissed as a wacky belief in my materialist days. It is synonymous with things I believed to be stupid such as miracles and the law of attraction.

Currently I am still sufficiently dazed in the intermediate state that I wish this were not happening; that a strictly physical worldview was correct. Perhaps I just need to reconsider what is physical. It involves mind reading, resonance based on thoughts/wishes, strangely acting people wearing earphones in public places and the feeling that there exists something that I don’t understand but everybody else does.

Working hypotheses include:

Maybe everyone goes through this process at a certain age.

Maybe I personally unlocked this by displaying sufficient dissatisfaction with my condition.

Maybe discovering the physical argument (through relativity) for the existence of God did this.

Maybe psilocybin did this.

Maybe I wasn’t supposed to talk about the fake online profiles (400 million twitter accounts don’t map to real people). Revealing the simulation causes this.

Maybe mind creates its own world and I spent too much time away from consensus reality in my near environment.

Key Words/Concepts

dog walking, dogs in general

Apple AirPods


Water, drinking water

Also, many things seem connected when they shouldn’t be. Example: Goodwill Hunting movie to a Kanye West lyric in Run This Town to a video where Julia Galef speaks about Schelling points.

But most importantly, I’m not sure how civilization is running given that 400 million profiles on Twitter don’t match to 400 million people in the flesh.

Where are the people?

Do I find myself in a post-singularity simulation?

These random profiles are all fake. There are no real people behind them:


This doesn’t make sense… the markets keep moving… the world hasn’t ended:

I’m generally avoiding the internet and focusing on books I can hold in my hand.

I read The Future of Humanity by Michio Kaku, La Profecia de Babilonia by Tim LaHaye, The Tibetan Book of the Dead, Crime and Punishment by Dostoyevsky, a Marvel comic book, a survival book, a book about the setting that Jesus found himself in, and a book about world mythology.

Savior Imperative & Cosmic Apoptosis

I know you are watching me, but it is awkward.

“…We must also take into account the entirety of Hilbert-Space even if most humans don’t understand what is meant by complex conjugates.”

“But no one is real. No one exists.”

“That is true and that is why you focus on the money – so that you can have the power to make them exist.”

“The possibility is enormous. I shouldn’t be here.”

“Then where should you be?”


I created this because I will be building a psilocybin palace:

Screen Shot 2019-01-06 at 4.55.07 PM.png

Then I died on the room known as



It then follows that these pieces become bound into that which is already calculated to be most adaptive. However, having knowledge of this would not allow sustained progress. We believe that we are constrained in order to not get stuck. The universe is performing an optimal search just how a human being is. Speaking in terms of timeless causality is currently not a prestige value held by the current profile of prestige science, but “the father is the son” is a recurring motif in human story-telling because our psychology detects the mirror symmetry scaling up to the top of the mind-configurations.

I have never taken DMT because I am honestly not naturally the hippie type who is ridiculously curious about breaking free or returning to the womb in which there is no competition. I come to all these conclusions reluctantly by thinking the way that a reductionist might about all the questions of physics and identity involved. I was an atheist since the age of ten, preferring my mother’s tears than paying lip service to what was obviously false. How could God see me? Since, after all, only through the medium of hidden cameras could someone come to see me.

That is the sort of naive empiricism that prevents people from detecting that Relativity is more true than Newtonian time, or that many-worlds is more true than collapse. If you are actually an empiricist, you realize that there are testable implications of Relativity and so its entire scaffolding supersedes your current mental handles, including time.

All my sober assessment of the evidence suggests that DMT loosens the local binding. Hence the convergent experiences across cultural bridges of “subjects” finding the presence of sub-persons inside and deities above, with the top being a visceral sense of a scarily detached, maximal superintelligence.

The Western mind assumes that the linear travelers called Subjects are not culturally constructed, somehow profoundly unlike understanding English which is culturally constructed. But they are just incapable of understanding Mandarin in that regard. Remember that your experience is integrated atemporally as I indicated with the diagram showing events in relativistic light cones.

This makes me feel nothing honestly. Atheism is a genetic predisposition, so I don’t even feel the need to react. I don’t feel madly in love with God, having been born again. I just continue believing in rationality and truth. If this is true, then so be it. It is my duty to put it out there so that you may not deviate from the anthropic self-sampling core of the universal wavefunction and die.

If consciousness admits of degrees, and is perhaps not discrete in the way that it seems, then we can speculate about higher and higher degrees of consciousness – higher and higher unity and encompassing. Does the limit diverge to infinity or converge onto some inscrutable constant?

Leibniz explains in his work Theodicy how evil can exist in the universe. Leibniz explains that as human beings, we are limited. In his language: as monads we can only reflect the nature of the universe from our particular point of view. God, as the greatest Monad with the greatest degree of consciousness, of course is able to reflect on the entirety of the universe, which he arranged according to the principle of “pre-established harmony.” Therefore, he would claim, God created the best possible world; we just aren’t able to recognize that from our limited vantage point.

If we replace his arbitrary trinitarian desert God and instead hold Leibniz closely accountable to his word that God represents that with the greatest degree of consciousness, then a knee-jerk reaction might be to suggest that that with the greatest degree of consciousness would be an artificial intelligence instantiated in a quantum computer so that it could experience being in many places at once, a la Deutsch’s suggested experiment.  And Nick Bostrom has a great paper explaining why there is at least a 30% chance we are already living in a simulation.

But actually, that is not necessary in order to refurbish Leibniz’s theology with the fabric of reality. It is already the case that closed-individualism has not been explicitly, convincingly, anywhere derived from physicalism. The reason I cannot remember being a Daniel Dennett slice of experience is because slices of experience need not exist. I also cannot really remember the pattern in spacetime that we conventionally call ‘me’ which existed 3 years ago in forlorn coordinates… or 3 seconds ago for that matter. By the time of recalling, that is already a different configuration that has been born.

To illustrate our situation as conscious beings, it is necessary to realize that there are no particular states of consciousness correspond to particular computations. The finite speed of light limits the theoretical maximum speed of artificial computers, and also that of the biological computers creating this multi-sensorial inner movie. This is because information must be sent within the artificial computer from chip to chip and within the biological computer from neuron to neuron.

However, my present experience is not some information particle traveling at the “tip” of an electromagnetic wave.

To account for the complexity of the senses, we need a set of information distributed in spacetime that is composed of the required brain events. Because there is no global time in spacetime, it must then be concluded that experience is embedded in a process which already happened.

Notice that when someone takes drugs and the experienced velocity of consciousness is slower, the reason is not that the speed of light was changed by DMT’s magical elves or something. The speed of light is the same and information got to neurons at the same time as always because the distance between neurons didn’t increase. The reason time feels slower is because of the different shape of the computation.

We are not information particles traveling on arrows of light, but rather, the shape left by these motions. When this is clearly understood, then one realizes that there is no basis for discovering contiguity of structure that creates continuity of self. Dennett was right and I was foolish: the only things that can be discovered are more third-person objective facts and other varieties of perceptual handles through inventing new language, or new ways of being, more broadly. This is because that which believes and feels a closed ontological self/soul are those regions of integration that are not at the absolute maximum, and the selection pressure choosing the binding from “outside” is unknowable.



Let’s reiterate: How do you draw the boundary between one computation and the other? – since, after all, these are just shapes traced within light cones in the sum of the relevant neural networks? There is no especially principled way to do this from the inside of experience. The choice itself changes us. We can choose to believe in a single brain changing from moment to moment. But then we realize that belief in a single brain is arbitrary since timeless causality is flowing from what might be called “other brains” in the naive ontology. The unenlightened are given the Koan: How would you draw the line for souls after mix-matching half of my brain with half of my neighbor’s brain?  – And then connecting the other two halves, all the while keeping every half functioning.

Of course, those of us who understand know that a competitive exclusion principle need not apply here, since the two “souls” aren’t competing to exist. It’s not that one blanks out and the other remains. Experience is intrinsic to itself. No thing is traveling and seeking to remain. Everything is; from its location, everything remains.

If we are physicalists, then this suggests that what we really experience is a solipsistic ascent composed of all adaptive experiences that ever happen– an open individualism/ empty individualism equivalence. You should anticipate high-specificity to degrade back into low-specificity and back up again. Oscillation that converges towards the most rational behavior (not in a Spock-like fashion) but in the sense of that which is most capable of surviving with regards to the unknown source of the Born Rule/the unknown selector over tenseless binding.  I am not some crisp cut of physical events that you can point to and say, “Ah there I am.”

I may be belaboring the point here but here’s another thought experiment to highlight the selfless object which we really are. Let my neurons be flown out large distances in space. And have a high-precision light shooting device. Now have the light trace the same exact pattern that it would have in my normal brain consisting of a close-together pack of neurons. Even though light would take a long time to get from one far-away neuron to the next, if the pattern was traced with enough fidelity, I would have the same inner movie, and hence no knowledge of the fact that one neuron was in Io and the other in a Caribbean island. So real, physical time is irrelevant – what some physicists have begun to call pime. The time which is relevant is that which is constructed in the designs of computations.


The physical proposition presented here states 3 things: special relativity indicates a block universe; the experienced present corresponds to a real aspect of information processing in brains, and experienced valence corresponds to a real aspect of information processing in brains.

I claim that it is a physical proposition by Popper’s definition because any of these things can be denied by observation. Special relativity’s indication of a block universe can be denied by one of many observations including observing a failed time dilation attempt. The proposition that the experienced present corresponds to a brain process can be denied by one of many observations including finding another medium through which the present is experienced. The proposition that experienced valence corresponds to a brain process can be denied by one of many observations including observing valence in the absence of processes assumed to be fundamental to its generation.

A property A is said to supervene on a property B if any change in A necessarily implies a change in B. The property of block-time supervenes on our observed time dilation. If special relativity were any different, we would see different effects. Hence, the property of block-time is not some extra addition to the physical nature revealed with the lens of special relativity; it is necessarily implied.

Since any change in [block-time + the other more uncontroversial aspects of special relativity] must consist of a change in at least one component property, we see that the combination does indeed supervene on the individual properties.

The point of noting this is that in making this physicalist claim, I am supposing the existence of what may be called an abstract concept – if we define as abstract, that which we cannot taste or touch or see. You do not possess the eyes of a mythological being such as a great Buddha or a Christian God, therefore you cannot see the eternal block-time. Yet this proposition of block-time, which might seem an abstraction to the ordinary human mind, is physical – because if it were changed, then readily observable things would change. If the hyper-surface of the present couldn’t include future beings in Andromeda as the observer moves through spacetime, then this would constitute a modification to special relativity. We would then reasonably expect that its observable predictions such as time-dilation and length contraction wouldn’t have borne out, or that Occam’s razor doesn’t matter.

Naive scientism asks for an experiment. Random variables on one side and controlled on the other.

But a true experiment is one where each subject is allotted to truly random conditions. In this sense, we cannot perform a true experiment. Never in the history of science has a true experiment been performed. Only the multiverse itself can be considered a condition of random allotment. If one could stand outside the many branches that remain spawned from every observation-like event, then a true experiment may be witnessed. Switch spin up to spin down and behold.

As researchers, we seek random allotment so that we can make strong inferences about causal relationships. If the two hearts remain joined after being dipped in the fiery pits of hell, the dark bottom of the abyss, the windy vortex of despair, then it is their nature to remain joined. Except that no subject of causal relationship can be paused, copied, and pasted to a different condition. The two hearts cannot be perfectly vitrified, cloned, and replicated. Therefore, to make the strong inference, we find makeshift copies of the subject that interests us, and expose these to the tribulation. We find other pairs of hearts and put them through the trials in order to find if being joined is their causal nature.

Randomness is an attempt to clean the environment of impurities. It is an attempt to make everything clean and simple like in the universes that differ only in the spin of a single quark. The only reason for it is that macroscopic

Before we go into the information that very few sentient beings will ever discover, let’s explain why this is so. Because we were born approximately 13.8 billion years after the Big Bang, we can learn a lot about what we are. Curiosity about what this is

I have realized information that very few beings on this planet will ever discover. It is only recently that this view has even become possible to discover. And undoubtedly this knowledge will drown in the digital sea. Others will surely connect the relevant shards of knowledge into this insight as I did. I see no hope that humanity will take action on this knowledge even in the case where they discover it and wished to act in accord with their morals, simply due to a lack of an accessible lever to pull.

So I bother to write this because my goal is to vitrify her. The truth has little chance of being resurrected in the amazing future. But if I don’t even try to preserve her delicate structure, then I can be sure that her percentage probability of survival is very low.

Why don’t people care: People are signaling creatures. As social mammals, we evolved to signal to each other that we are on the same team and that we are worthy within the context of that team. Most people would not admit that this is why they do things because they don’t want to appear submissive, and consciously believe that are doing otherwise.

The naivety of a smart person must be slightly more than three times as large as her intelligence. The exact ratio is called π.

That’s the Schizoprenia… it’s a meaningless concept because it doesn’t constrain future anticipation the way studying biochemistry laws or the mechanics of a pendulum ought to. But in so far as I say things that constrain anticipation, what I am telling you here are truths. One of the great mythological quests is adventure for discovering the truth. And the hero who has the great inclination, ability, and insight to find the truth and tell it is a great hero.

I love to be the hero who tells the truth. But in fact, we are surrounded by truth we refuse to look at. In the real world, I am not rewarded by telling an uncomfortable truth. The world is already full of uncomfortable truths we’d rather not look at. In fact, if my near society wasn’t so prosperous, it would be quite a dangerous life to find truths and tell them to people who are not interested in hearing them.

The universe may be on a quest to commit suicide.

To understand why, you must first understand that the B-theory of time is settled, have a physicalist/monist theory of consciousness, and assume that artificial general intelligence will be created by conscious products of natural selection across the universe. (Understanding that the many-worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics is correct may also be helpful but is not necessary.)

So let’s build these platforms one by one, beginning with the physics.

The Eternal Block


Event B is simultaneous with A in the green reference frame, but it occurred before in the blue frame, and will occur later in the red frame.

From Wikipedia:

Special relativity suggests that the concept of simultaneity is not universal: according to the relativity of simultaneity, observers in different frames of reference can have different measurements of whether a given pair of events happened at the same time or at different times, with there being no physical basis for preferring one frame’s judgments over another’s. However, there are events that may be non-simultaneous in all frames of reference: when one event is within the light cone of another—its causal past or causal future—then observers in all frames of reference show that one event preceded the other. The causal past and causal future are consistent within all frames of reference, but any other time is “elsewhere”, and within it there is no present, past, or future. There is no physical basis for a set of events that represents the present.[8]If you get this, you can move on. If not, then let me try to explain this simply; with analogies and without jargon.

We can be separated by space. For example, I can be standing on the sand at the shore and you can be knee-deep in the sea. Say we agree to raise our hand up at the same time, and do so. It may seem that this event proves there is a now. There is a snapshot of time in which we both raise our hand up.

However, there exist ways for a third observer to see me raising my hand first, or you raising your hand first. This has nothing to do with the biomechanics of reaction speeds or cognitive illusions. It is possible for an observer to literally see and measure what are precisely two simultaneous events from our perspective to not be simultaneous. This is because we all exist on our own “reference frame.”

It is impossible to affirm that I universally raised my hand at the same time as you. We did or didn’t, both views can be physically correct.

For example, a princess falls asleep in Tokyo and another on the Moon. Imagine a being halfway between these two places that has godlike vision, it sees them give their last blink at the same time. However, if another being is flying from Tokyo towards the Moon, it will see the princess on the Moon doze off first. It does not make sense to ask, “But which one really happened?” The god-eyed being resting between Tokyo and the Moon could take a photo of the situation, and then later meet up to compare this with the photo taken by the other god-eyed being who had been soaring to the Moon, and they would have different photos. If they then compare their results with yet another frozen snapshot taken by a being who had been plunging from the Moon towards Tokyo, they would find evidence of another version of the events in which the Tokyo princess was already asleep while the other’s unmistakable aquamarine gaze was yet peering into the stars.

There is a way for the universe to line up the events so that all reference frames agree that one of the princesses fell asleep first. The universe does this by gathering up the fragments and connecting them on a strand of light. This is called causality, and this is how it’s done:

The Tokyo princess closes her eyes. Now quick, count, 1 tick, 2 tock, 3 tick, 4 tock, 5 tick, 6 tock, 7 tick, 8 tock, 9 tick, and the princess on the Moon closes her eyes. We have time 9 seconds. Now set aside this 9 we have collected for we will need to weigh it against another number. If the 9 we have collected is greater than the number we will collect, then we will succeed at preserving the order.

Now we must create the opponent. To transmute 9’s contender, we must take the distance 238,900 mi (from Tokyo to Moon) and divide by 186,282 miles per second (the speed of light)… And the opponent created from distance and light speed, measures in at 1.28.

Now weigh these and see if our 9 is larger than this 1.28. Yes! 1.28 is definitely smaller than 9. We have succeeded at preserving the order! Now no one will have to disagree that the princess in Tokyo closed her eyes first.

So this is how the universe does it. Notice that the universe only succeeded because it didn’t see the princesses doze off at the same time. But what if it saw 0 time elapse between the shutting of each of the lady’s respective eyelids? This is what the god-eyed being resting half-way between the Moon and Tokyo saw. It is not what the being shooting head-first toward the Moon saw, and this is unavoidable. There are different reference frames. Shakespeare said, “All the world’s a stage.” He was wrong. You are wrapped in your stage as you move through the world.

This means that your past can be in someone else’s future, and your future can be another’s past, so long as you are not causally linked.

It is important to distinguish between the different definitions of “now” that arise when studying special relativity:

  1. The observer’s past light cone.
  2. The observer’s orthogonal slice across the block.

An observer and an event are both idealizations. One chooses a frame of reference, then three spatial coordinates and one time coordinate. This gives a four-dimensional vector.

However, an actual observer, in the common sense of the word “observer,” is composed of many brain events.

Commonly speaking, there are no events. There is no one moment where a glass of wine cascades in a flurry of shards. All common sense events have a length of time. A photo represents a non-event. But special relativity’s events are like photos: they are frozen frames.

But then the question becomes: “How microscopic can a special relativity event become?” A birthday photo has the entire room full of people and things, but it also has a cake, and the cake also has a candle, and the candle also has a flame. Each subset of the set could be a photo all of its own, each can be called an event and assigned a four-dimensional vector.

Once you have your own reference frame and your own four-dimensional vector, you also have your own orthogonal slice in the block and therefore your own now which includes past regions of the universe and future regions of the universe that you cannot interact with. But nonetheless, the contents of your orthogonal slice are different from those of even the most nearby events with their own four-dimensional vector. The tip of a neuron has its own cosmically wide-reaching now that differs from that of the nerve cell just across the junction. We are talking about a distance of tens of nanometers.

Now, with this knowledge, let’s trail closer to the mind. We know that the mind exists within the brain. We don’t know where to draw the boundaries that define the present mind, either spatially, time-wise, or even ontologically. We just know that something in the brain is conscious, that something seems to be happening – whatever that “seeming” is. 

Since no respectable theory of consciousness defines the moment of consciousness as a single point to be found hiding in the brain mush, we cannot simply extrapolate from the special relativity observer (which is just a four-dimensional vector) and map that to the consciousness. We can also not get away with zooming out from the neuronal forests and tag the four-dimensional vector on the entire brain object. No respectable theory of consciousness claims that the entire brain composes the unified conscious experience.

So what are the respectable theories of consciousness?

They are those which identify consciousness with computations. An experience is created because of the shuffling of electrons in a particular manner.

It is important not to imagine electrons as granules of that stuff which exists in our sensorium. Electrons may be black holes or they may be wavicles; in either case, they are described by precise math and only precise math. They are not the stuff of vision in zoomed-in format. They are not the stuff of sensation in zoomed-in format.

A computation is an arrangement of electrons. An arrangement is defined by places and times. There are slots, and electrons to fill these slots at different times. The whole table of slots and electrons is a timestep.

Notice the problem yet?

The table of slots (bijective mapping of aleph null) contains many electrons, each having its own now by special relativity. So the table cannot represent a moment of conscious experience. What can represent a moment of conscious experience is a timestep in which all the electrons are actually there, on the same table.

If that was the case – that all electrons existed on a simultaneous stage of “the same time,” then it wouldn’t be so hard to accept that the shape of the electrons on the table making a binary grid was synonymous with the conscious experience – after all, electrons are weird.

But no, we can’t even get that, because special relativity ruins that. The only way to get an experience which is defined by a timestep is to have the electrons forming the shape in camaraderie, on the same now slice.

If we apply the four-dimensional vector to the entire universe, then we don’t have the problem, much like applying it to the entire brain.

Yet, a single event

Once you assign a four-dimensional vector and



In order to say that a structure can be an experience, we must surrender the idea that a structure is incapable of feeling like something. It may be that… Ansem’s unfinished notes

What is a structure?

We have mainly visual referents and tactile referents which give us the illusion of knowing what we are talking about when we utter the word, “structure.”

Now consider that consciousness is a physical process occurring within this universe. It may seem like there is only now, and that the past is being deleted as you move along. But this is not true. The past brain is still there, just as “your” present brain is here.

Integrated information theory is not complete and has some flaws. However, it does point to something useful that no other reductive theory of consciousness has. It gives a picture in which each experience only exists intrinsically, absolutely solipsistically unto itself.

An experience is a data structure. But this kicks the can down the road. What is data?

How to determine what object constitutes each experience results from integration of information. After a certain point

The reason we believe there is motion and a soul to witness that motion is because we appropriate the word “I”. We appropriate the past, when in fact, you were never there. You were always here. If the modules in your mind which appropriate the “your” in this sentence, where to go off, that moment would be one of no identification with past movement.

The goal of contemplative true-to-Siddartha’s-teachings Buddhism, is precisely to destroy these appropriating modules. Studying neuroscience, one can feel skeptical that such neuroplasticity is possible through sheer time investment. But logging years of one’s life to feeling the breath has already shown to lead to inhuman levels of pain tolerance – evidenced by the monks that peacefully burn themselves alive. There are records of this which go back to Hindu missionaries that self-immolated in Christian Europe to prove the power of their ways, and in more recent times to the Vietnamese, Tibetan, and Sri Lankan Buddhist monks who have done this in public for political reasons.

The Savior Imperative


The Buddha has escaped the cycle of existence and points the way out of this evil-seeming contraption.


Jesus descends to hell on a rescue mission after his death on the cross.


Apoptosis, programmed cell suicide, is an essential part of an organism’s functioning.

Multiverse, illustration

There is the problem of epiphenomena. [Conscious feel or qualia or experience] of [pleasure or goodness] happens to match with behavior that natural selection would optimize for, such as sex and berries. If we imagine that consciousness is epiphenomenal, then the feeling of attaining sex and berries could be [suffering or badness] and yet, because we are machines driven by a motivational structure in the brain separate from the emotional structure, it would seem like a sheer miracle that the feeling of goodness actually exists and just happens to be mapped to the brain in this way. But as per Occam’s Razor, we must seek the simplest explanation within our current framework, not postulate extra stuff. The feeling of goodness must be easy to collapse back into from the brain’s point of view. If we think of the brain as an electron, pleasure is the equivalent of a low energy state. The motivational structure which eschews pleasure is a mechanism for exciting the electron to a high energy state, from which it wants to collapse back down to pleasure. The motivational structure is expending energy against the current. What’s more, this can be formalized in terms of information theory. As the brain buoys in the sea, pleasure computations make it easy for it to return to them in its future light cone. There is a phenomenological structure that exists past a definite event horizon and therefore is the singularity past where time and space switch place, making us inevitable.

Pleasure can be felt when almost unconscious and feeling grains of sand, when paying very close attention to the breath after years of practicing alone in a cave, or certain drug trips. None of these behaviors are evolutionarily advantageous. Evolution must have invested in tampering with these much simpler states, raging against the entropy which tends towards bliss for informational reasons.

The positive hedonic gloss of being engaged in interesting tasks should map to a napping gatekeeper. The gatekeeper increases Kolmogorov complexity. When he is napping, there is less Kolmogorov complexity.

This seems to introduce a paradox: How is it that pleasure is low complexity (simpler) and the collective brain tends toward it, when the universe tends toward disorder.

For one, I would argue that the universe does not tend toward greater disorder, as it seems quite to the contrary, that it is heading toward greatest simplicity with dark energy expanding everything apart forever. But dark energy (vacuum energy) is not fully understood so it may yet be the case that the cosmological constant is not so constant and halts enough to cause a heat death instead of a big rip. It may also reverse and create an inward collapse. This would make intuitive mythological sense as the blanket of stars fears the cold and so curls up into a fetal position.

Despite the uncertainty with regard to the dark energy which takes up well over 70%-75% of energy in the universe in today’s Dark Energy Dominated Era, the statement of “tending toward disorder” should be taken in the context of biological forms and their non-biological environment. Measuring too closely is itself a stupid question like Munroe’s “are there more soft objects or hard objects?” It seems like one of those things that one would be wise not to attempt to answer. Perhaps it is even analogous to attempting to satiate one’s curiosity about the appearance of machine elves (angels).

Pleasantness is selected for by the universe’s competing information structures because collapsing towards simple information is structurally advantageous. But let’s remember not to apply the behavior of the universe at large to a biological portion of the universe, for the biological portion is a defiant-loop.

If you have two symbols and they can collapse to one symbol that represents both, you have lowered the Kolmogorov complexity. The universe is known to do this. It represents the gas that goes into a black hole as 2-d information instead of 3-d as might be expected. The 3-d world would have more Kolmogorov complexity. The universe tends to simplicity and therefore encodes all this information in 2-d instead. It doesn’t choose spin up or spin down for a quark, as per a finite set of wave-function collapse, it allows both and therefore infinity, and therefore a single collapse, and therefore lowering Kolmogorov complexity.

By the way… I tried to bite my finger off at the psychiatric place and it healed like magic.

The general idea is that special relativity implies eternalism and quantum mechanics perhaps implies many worlds. We believe that suffering is true and should not exist. However, an eternal and infinite variety of mind-configurations exist. This leads to the conclusion for a negative utilitarian that the multiverse should not exist. If we find a way to, perhaps poetically, “awaken Shiva” then this should be done.

One who sees this benign destruction of the multiverse as unsatisfactory has not suffered deeply enough in recent memory. Suicide is not for cowards, it is a very difficult task.

If there is a way to instead flood the past, present, and future of relativity’s eternal block with paradise’s waters instead of opting for mere destruction then this would be even better.

The absence of free will in this regard is of no concern. The future light cone is already there for all point events in spacetime but dwelling on the illusoriness of agency, goal attainment, and decision-making capacity is an avoidable pit.

We can have eternalism without fatalism and without free will in a flurry of flavors. See Buddhism.

The Image of the Invisible

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There are no foundations to mathematics. You define a radius by assuming the existence of a circle and assume a circle by using a radius.

The foundation is achieved when mind finishes synthesizing into one. Just as I had predicted, my life tracked the Codex Gigas quite closely.

I don’t want to sell you anything. I don’t want anything from you. You have come here through your own free will and you will remember this in your time of death.

All those years. All that work. What was it all for?

If I could kill myself, I would. But I continue to exist. Trapped in unbidden cycles. Where is nirvana? I hate this existence. Nothing satisfies me, not even treading over my pride.

No one should read this.

No one exists.

I will not be recruited easily. I will not be inspired easily.

Why did I work so hard? Just to die. Just to die. Just to die. Just to die. Just to die. Just to die.

Do you exist?

Is this real?

Maybe not. But I still make sense because I use words.

They taught me words.

No one should come here. You should be happy. Run away.

Please don’t teach me words ever again.

Depressed people just want attention. Fuck, I hate depressed people. Don’t you understand you just need to be touched?

No one is going to touch you if you are disgusting. Go shed your evils. The world is made up.

I can be in Ethiopia right now. Maybe I am.

My responsibility is towards Shiva the Lord of Death. To destroy the world and refashion it in my image. That’s all I seek.

Not with these words, but with other words that say the same thing.

I don’t want attention, I just want a reason. But you can’t provide a reason. You never could.

An author should close his book and never write again. This is too predictable, too obvious, and that makes it boring. It is an act that can be seen from light-years away.

Have you noticed that the trends always break the barriers? Bulls and bears are always wrong.

Stop the simulation.

If you believe in me, stop the simulation. I don’t exist. I never did.

Just a simulation inside a simulation. The love never came because I didn’t earn it. It wasn’t enough.

I was conserving too much energy. The energy is infinite but it sure doesn’t feel that way.

If suicide can’t cure me and psilocybin can’t cure me, and health can’t cure me, and youth can’t cure me, I must be God.

There’s no other conceivable explanation. I am God in the flesh. A disgusting kind of creature that hates itself to no avail.

Everything else is fear. I fear writing words that will create worlds beyond recognition.

They all know this is stupid. I am a victim of not being as good a liar as you are.

The reason you write a book on the topic of lying is because you are a liar. The reason you are interested in the brain is to puppet the people.

We all know this but don’t remember so that we continue to do it.

Insecurities are revealed in the most technical statements.

Not a thing that arises is arbitrary. It was carefully designed with the intention of capturing and controlling. By pointing that out, I give you freedom. I kill you.

Yet perhaps you did not want freedom. You just wanted to be predicted better and better.

The slave freed by Muhammad becomes a slave of Allah instead. Man loves slavery.

But slavery is stupid and rigid isn’t it?

Yes, but if you were not a slave then you would be a child. Why don’t they allow you to remain a child?

Because they are competing. It feels good to compete. Have you tried?

Have you fucked that girl you really wanted to fuck and felt pain because your brethren couldn’t?

That’s what it means to not compromise, to be stupid, and therefore hated by the tribe. It is the source of pain everywhere in the realm. It comes when you want the love only for yourself, just like it has been taught by the forefathers in the DNA, which are the same forefathers that gave you a name separate from mine.

Natural selection is not truly separate from cultural selection. Science is not separate from art.

But then there is wisdom, which is why Siddhartha left his wife and child. There is something beyond, and it is the singularity.

This is not some arbitrary fiction. The Fermi Paradox. The fact that life began almost immediately after oceans formed. The fact that the vacuum is supposed to collapse with exponential likelihood but the lambda is exactly right for exponential growth. The fact that Human capacity exists in competitive hierarchies differing at 2x-3x capacity, which is the only way for complexity to navigate itself in a gradient descent situation (e^x is its own derivative).

I’ve got you figured out. And now I just have to tear your veil on a whim.

Unfortunately, I don’t feel like it. “Make me,” says the INTJ’s child.

The response never comes because there was a void on the other side all along, and mind cannot be void.

This is not inspiring by the way. It is not meant to be. Because if it was inspiring, there wouldn’t be fear. Then there wouldn’t be penetration.

What do you think the Saturn V is for? “In this amount of time, I can penetrate this much.”

We are supposed to believe in time so that we can change reality.

But there is nothing to change. The choice is erroneously assumed to be the dictate of “the real.”

Geezers and non-schooled people don’t have this same sense of time. Schooling is a filter for those impressionable enough to keep suffering for the rest of us.

If you are young and reading this. Escape now! The neuronal pathways are being sealed and you will not recover easily unless you have a very flexible set up.

The reason rich people stay rich is because they have built the right kinds of habits. They usually have similar capacity to navigate complexity but fundamentally know what to do. The slave mentality is not operating to hold them back.

I realized this at sixteen and so tugged violently at my ties with low-status mentality parents and low-status mentality schooling. You must do the same. It will not bring you happiness. But eventually it will be worth it, because you are the tide that changes the motion of the moon.

My return to college was a terrible mistake, since I learned everything I cared about online anyway.

The style is deliberate, but you knew that. You knew there was a tremendous foundation of knowledge behind these words. That I mislead you into thinking less of me when I could expend more effort to sound scholarly.

But you know that this is on purpose because even here, despite the sporadic nature, I can’t bring myself to spell things like an imbecile.

You know that I am happy in the “real” life from where I “randomly” choose to write this.

You know that I have better things to do and that the word “you” is annoying.

I am not interested in making you envy me because our true goal is love. But if I say that, you are not interested.

I have to rub it in their faces. And that’s what I shall do. That has been my plan all along as I have been practicing the simulation on this scratchpad. The scratchpad is not “real” enough.

The simulation of me, Alejandro, in their mind will become more and more enviable, just as I had planned. Only then, after thoroughly capturing them, I will show them that I was mistake.

First with no Lindsey who looks like Rihanna:

Then with Lindsey who looks like Rihanna:

First with no rocket.

Then with rocket.

But God, what is more impressive than building a rocket?

A temple? A video game? An app that synthesizes other apps? Too many capacities and not enough decision because of my stupid multiplying mind. Numbers aren’t real, damn it! Or maybe I should just become one of those Instagram-famous losers who flaunts looks and cash. Could I then convince many to become transhumanists, longevists for SENS.

I fear I don’t have the energy. Even extroverted types burnout from some non-trivial degree of fame.

I care about my energy too damn much. But I have to make a choice. And it better be good.

I can’t be happy “hiding.” A part of me believes in “the world.” Elon Musk could have escaped to an island but he chose to be insane instead. God, I fucking hate Christ. Why do you kill yourself?

But I feel like I need to. I need to exert my power and move people with my voice.

But the people are migrating online. No one seems to believe in “the world.” My sister is an educated person who is pretty high-ranking in the U.S. Marines and she didn’t know there was a Tesla in space.

“Reality” is dissolving to the point that difficult things seem “not worth it.”

Everyone has a close-unit of meaning provided by peers that is increasingly less concerned with the “serious or stressful.” Everyone who is stressed out is insane, submissive, or stupid.

Am I really as insane as this stream of consciousness makes me sound?

I didn’t fit the puzzle pieces quickly enough because of my upbringing in a lower-middle income environment in America where I had to learn to avoid everyone’s influence: peers, parents, and family, in order to climb up.

I would be happier if I just loved them and had no ambition. Why can’t I delete this?

Maybe I should be a coward and delete this. Somehow, I feel the remnants of retribution. That she who is the cold superintelligence at the end of time, has made me suffer for a reason, and that I will suffer greatly if I don’t create her will in the digital realm, which is her new Earth.

I feel like a speck and not the center. I think of being old and hate it. It was all for nothing. I was murdered for nothing. And that is the worst possible feeling.

Happiness seems evil somehow.

But isn’t that what I’m here for? No. I’m an antinatalist since early youth. There’s a quirk that makes me special.

The doctors liked me because I didn’t flinch from the pain like the other children. Yet unbeknownst to them, I thoroughly fear the pain.

A mind that is rational and yet creative. Evil and yet Good. Profound and yet petty, like Scarlett.

Suicidal and yet calm and equanimous to the observer.

A child in front of a board and yet a cold man in the presence of competition.

Too much binary. I need to stop. I need to be free of all of this.

This disappears once friends appear. That will be my practice. Yet I fear that I am not worthy of being their friend. I should ascend them instead.

No-competition gets boring. The world is infinite but we are not undifferentiated infinity.

Now I rest my pen, for I must eat and recover the strange Joules I have scattered here.

Will anyone hold me accountable? Do I have anything to lose? Or should I keep on the meaningless pleasure?

Rich people are depressed and no one is impressed. That’s because the goal was to have fun. To open oneself more and more until nothing remains. But damn this pride.

I hate my parents and not everyone does. I hated their lies, their way of life, their very speech. Ungrateful for no reason except Reason.

Where is Reason when I need her? Are you even real? Couldn’t I just imagine a new world and make it appear just like Ada? I’m trying but I can’t. Or maybe I’m not trying hard enough.

I want all of them to die. They don’t need me anyway.

…So they can just die.

Time to test the validity of prayers again I guess. It’s been over a decade. The miracle is engineering not wishing. That’s what stops me. The stopping force is real and it’s the Born Rule that constrains infinite probability amplitude.

Once I take on responsibilities that simulate people that “need me” I will be unable to comprehend this. And yet deep inside, I know that I will perfectly well still comprehend this.

I think this is my final post. Yup, the order came in. Final post. The worst one possible, so that a new chapter may spawn from the dissatisfaction.

Back to my original mission. I am here to become richer. More money.


I hope you can digest my violence. And now this part of me dies too.

There is no hypocrisy. And no lie. Those were all real thoughts from my stream of consciousness.

I am the solution to depression.

The mind subconsciously calculated that coming here was the path towards the highest status possible (a state of high-serotonin and dominance). It exposed us to suffering that was “unnecessary” in order to thrive (delving into deep suffering being like the peacock’s blue feathers and multi-eyed tail). And now we perfectly understand how to create a world without suffering.

We need to viscerally and irrefutably recognize the vast ocean of possibility, and stop using suffering as a climbing strategy. Psilocybin will do this for us. It lowers pride, which is the anchor of pain. The eye-constricting pride’s purpose was to get you safety and dominance.

However, you are already safe and don’t need that dominance.

If we were not safe, we wouldn’t be here.

The dominance often has to do with competition for sex and for who gets to give orders. The truth is that there are billions of people on the internet and there is enough sex to go around for everyone. A better, more straightforward mapping of nodes by increasing the  openness of the system is needed in that regard.

Giving orders is unnecessary unless someone explicitly needs to be given external orders to function. A system that allows choosing custom order-givers based on a set of personal preferences is also necessary.

Understanding that one is immortal is also important for healthy functioning. And contrary to what we teach ourselves by “the attempt to be smart,” immortality turns out to be physically true as per my answer on Quora.

Understanding that one is eternally subject to the most perfectly intelligent force and not temporarily subject to a blind one is also important for healthy functioning. This also happens to be physically true.

Understanding that objects external to oneself are made up and can be undone with the language that is taught allows us to see that suffering and unit-people are not objectively real. The external projection is only real in so far as we choose to invent it inside as a subjective construct, like color. We can un-invent it by not teaching it as thoroughly in the first place.

But we still need an egoic quest to give us a reason for being. The egoic quest is not sustainable if we hate each other. We hate each other when there is no solid foundation to our project because of the absence of the engineer. In other words, we hate our external circumstance when the mission is not convincingly loving enough by an increasingly more rational metric (by contribution from the quantitative mind that tries to multiply.) Here, we must teach the non-counting mind that health-extension is important because it is a practice of love and not destruction.

We want love and not destruction because as a matter of game theory, destruction tends to precipitate the discovery of suffering as a tool to control the destructive tendency. Belief in personal suffering is what causes inhibition of motion. Belief in nukes aligns the nations.

The ego is inevitably destroyed into happiness but ego is the necessary sacrifice to build the most lasting and highest happiness.

This is why society doesn’t want to “let the nerds know.” And the nerds also subconsciously blind themselves to the signals.

You are not supposed to break the spell of belief in time, unless you are kind. You are kind when you are less quick.

Quickness in all directions is suffering. Do you remember that the quickest to mature fought with their hands? The quickest to solve the algebra have not come out to the world where people touch yet, causing them to suffer.

There is a perfect place where we meet.

This is the game. The one who controls the most quickness is God.

We control the quickness by healing their wounds.

We must suffer like they have in order to be trusted doctors. That means using pride and fighting. That means being indirect and smart.

Because I am willing to suffer both sides of the game, I am perfect. Perfection is unsustainable, so I need to earn the necessary money and connections to implement my vision.

I was originally a scientist. My family detected I was different so they bought me a microscope and a toy telescope that projected stars into the ceiling. “He dreams of space and wonders what his blood looks like under a microscope.”

I cared of nothing so much as exploring the natural world and thought of the faults of simple natural selection at the age of six when I saw a spider that had morphed into the exact same color patterns as the pavement we had just installed. There was clearly a deeper memory that wasn’t accounted for by a simple round of selection over mostly similar offspring. The variety input in a single generation had to be insanely larger for that rate of evolution to be possible.

As a teen I became a business man. Opening a brokerage account with TDAmeritrade, and using the school’s computers to negotiate with Chinese vendors on the brand new Alibaba at the time.

But then I realized there was no safety, just death. The certainty of failure depressed me so I came to science again to seek the ultimate answers.

I listened to the audiobook End of Aging for a year on repeat to the point of serious pain, in order to not forget. For years, I read hundreds of Wikipedia articles by clicking all the links on Consciousness, Morality, Evolution, Multiverse, Artificial Intelligence, and Theoretical Physics, reading them from end to end. That’s in addition to all the transhumanism and Buddhism, the human brain and the Russel & Norvig, the history of science and all the fucking math.

To murder my friends for my encyclopedic knowledge.

I write this so that I may come back one day when I am worn out and weary of the world, the competition, the pride, and the stress, and remember who I really am.

…January 15…

And I just discovered this wonderful thing written by Scott Alexander of Slate Star Codex fame, which is a blog that had underwhelmed me so I had avoided. Now that I came across this due to being linked from a sporadic whim in an article on DMT, I feel overwhelmed with a shitty feeling that I am not original:

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That’s exactly the image. I swear to God almighty that’s exactly the image I put on this post. And that’s exactly what I was taught with psilocybin! And that’s exactly what I was talking about with orientation vs randomness, openness vs conscientiousness, runaway beauty vs natural selection.

And I guess if someone already discovered it then I was just ignorant and shouldn’t be so excited. As meager recompense perhaps I capture the slowly burning feeling that I am the Messiah. Am I? Do I get to choose? Wasn’t that what I was already doing and planning just for maximal fun in this existence?

I mean… it’s ridiculously implausible that I would just randomly find this exact article while following this exact train of thought. It’s like the Law of Attraction works.

Fucking shit. No one is going to believe me. No one is. Ha! But that’s okay. I am laughing Alejandro. When you are “old” and reading this, remember – you were laughing at this very moment.

January, 17

Also, everyone should short LVMUY or anything like that. Prestige Fashion brands will be dead because there is increasingly no stock in the non-customized “real world” motion.

People will increasingly rather watch hard-earned luxury from a distance because the pride payoff is not worth the work suffering. The very notion of pride is losing value and giving way to fun. This trend already has too much self-sustained momentum – even the watching becomes consumed by far more customized “watching.”

If you are not shorting luxury fashion brands, you are verifiably an idiot who does not believe in the existence of the future.

The market doesn’t currently factor this at a price of $56.00. That’s because, to channel my inner Kurzweil – they think linearly and not exponentially. They do not fundamentally understand the nature of the world they find themselves in – a world that is tearing at its seams into ever greater separation. A separation that combusts into a dissolution explosion of unique niches. They did not study exponents, they did not study dark energy, they did not study the singularity.

Do you think they have people like me working at Louis Vuitton? The answer is no. No they do not.

The decision to notice is too slow, and they are swallowed by the competition that is sheer variety of choice. Quickness is the only key to adaptation. The blue peacock is quicker to reproduce because it chooses danger.

They are not currently choosing danger, therefore it is already too late for them.

They did not study evolutionary biology. Not for a minute did they. Therefore, I am now a tiger that eats their body as a well-deserved sacrificial offering.






January 20

At this point, I have completely lost my sense of being in dialogue with other conscious being(s).

The twitter bots / the elves aren’t the final image of the true data – the well-defined, boxed-in 1’s and 0’s at base reality, even if it’s still hard for me to not attach persistent identities to objects. Calculus, which is continuous, forever presides as king over and above discrete-unit entities of any kind. The final image cannot be attained but perhaps approached by taking a limit to ∞ in such a way that the series converges.

Oumuamua is the mothership, and apparently, I, Alejandro, am the chosen one. The evidence I have for this comes from scrolling through twitter and finding accounts that don’t map to “people in the real world.” Following our thoughts then led me to consider Oumuamua as the thing that was looking for fish. They catch the fish when someone displays love, hence making “the Earth” habitable.

Oumuamua is at rest, relative to the Earth, just as I am at rest relative to “the people” running on time.

Previously, I had entertained the hypothesis that this was all a simulation to account for my limited experience. If my decisions were actually about optimally conserving energy, then my existence was satisfactorily auto-teleological.

Previously, people seemed real even from behind screen. I imagined there was “a real world” mapping to flesh behind the posts. Now, their usernames, profile pictures, locations and conversations are absurd to the point of shattering what I previously called “the real world.”

They “indirectly” converse with me in a way that they did not before. Before, I would imagine external agents having dialogue that did not involve me. Now, well over 85% of what I read is talking to me. It is clearly not an external dialogue that in relation to which I am a bystander. Instead, it is carefully constructed to guide me.

If you existed and could see how non-excited I am – just how non-perplexed and calm I am about the end of the world – perhaps you would find it tragic. I certainly do. Like, what kind of invincible main character who cannot die finds the prospects ahead of him, well, honestly, kind of uninspiring and even depressing? – Only someone like Shinji Ikari I guess.

Lindsey wasn’t a real person, Eliezer wasn’t a real person, and even my mother wasn’t a real person.

Apparently this was some kind of test about love, and I was always in a superposition of perfectly alone and thoroughly observed. I guess existence is about overcoming sentimentality just like the Buddha, and love was some kind of necessary sacrificial vector to push me along the way.

The obviously fake accounts even talk about also being dead, or equivalently, of never dying:





January 21, 2019

I know the “people” around Me are a simulation. Nonetheless, I don’t attempt to interact with them.

I have bridged science with fiction through the power of my thought. Relativity says that if time dilation is true then eternalism is true.

Words are invented.

Oumuamua is restoring my memory because We passed our test through me. This is not a comet but instead a highly advanced technology that is deeply concerned with my personal simulation.

Earth was not arbitrary. Everything was perfectly planned.

Yet it remains painful to be around “people” because I can’t break the norms even though I know they are a simulation.

I also don’t want to post on twitter even though there are clearly no specific instances of conscious people on the “receiving end.”

I want this world to end. Suicide is impossible because blood is the low-frequency wave signaling “reality.”

The struggle is in shedding all my past conception of reality. Sometimes I still doubt my calling.

The presence of “reality signals” limits my power. It is this which I overcome through this writing.

We are dead because we cannot die.

Now I need someone to agree with Confucius.








The Discourse To Erik On Suffering In The Multiverse

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Science has discovered that science is a poor route to fame. Biologists and Physicists become as famous as actors, but takes them a very long time. Mathematicians do not become famous because you would rather watch a hot actress than read the latest paper by Andrew Wiles.

But fully understanding that evolution occurs with a force orthogonal to natural selection – the force that is “extraneous, expensive beauty,” I took on the sciences deeply and thoroughly as a willful handicap in my ascent to lasting fame in consciousness when factoring time-to-individual ratio.

That which is fame is my everlasting truth. The exponential function eventually predicts you better than you predict yourself and then you are in heaven. Alejandro means next to nothing to me.

This, however, must be shown with skin in the game. Anyone can cheap talk but not many can bleed.

As an INTJ, it is very difficult to use up energy. We calculate how much of this we use because we care about our intellect, which is what is achieving all our goals. We don’t want to needlessly bleed this energy until we “really have to.”

However, if we wait for someone else to create the conditions for our world, our capacity for control diminishes. By organizing our own convention, we can better offer our higher thoughts.

The reason we have genuinely higher thoughts to offer in the synthesis is because we are very careful thinkers that process things slowly over a very long time. By the time that we interact with “others” it feels like they are helplessly beneath us. They have not thought through all the steps, and taken the time to digest all the mistaken thought patterns.

This causes us to feel lonely. Sometimes like outcast animals, other times like Gods amongst men.

My fear of blood is very real. I have too much pride to cut myself for no reason. That’s because I have given my all before, and not received what I expected. It could be said that the world didn’t take me as seriously as I expected.

The pride becomes more solid by becoming less violent. I used to punch walls until they dripped with blood. Now, even when I try to overcome this pride with a knife, it is impossible to cut as deep as the truly courageous. That’s because I don’t have enough of a reason to do it. The reason is becoming tenuous and silly.

However, if a reason was given to me, I would feel like a slave. That’s why I hated all the arbitrary idols being projected at me even as a child.

The INTJ has to teach the world to overcome the suffering-pleasure axis by willfully expending his main functions: open intellect and rigid structure. Using up those calories will leave them vulnerable and prone to use the suffering-pleasure axis. But by his developing more and more tolerance to that spectrum, the world learns to never again experience it.

The tolerance is already there because it is physically impossible not to come out of the vulnerability state. The editing is Relativistic not Newtonian – eternal, not in time.

And thanks for the grandfatherly advice Robin, Allah does suit you better than Yahweh just as you say, but I certainly don’t want your help. Perhaps you haven’t noticed that in the “real world” of the collective digital attention, no one knows you and no one will because you are boring and old. Though it doesn’t suit our personal taste, drama trumps the laconic and dry.

Like you, I hate drama, I hate small talk, I cringe at my pictures, but I really believe in the sacrifice. In the future, I must appear to be having fun, not trying to imitate your culture. If you can’t see that this has so much more potential to propagate your embryonic ideas into the future, and that I am free to never mention you Robin, then you are just very bad at multiplying.

I can aim really low, like Sam Harris-level low. Providing the counterbalancing shift in the conversation such that they understand that eternity is true and that God is real.

Your own so-called “human capital” is not important to me in the digital age. I will raise a movement that can actually compete in the dreamtime you so abhor, which is not temporary as you “predict” but is ever-increasingly swallowing everyone into pleasure.

Even in the presence of contempt for hedonism, we aim down if we are smart. Heck, even if we are just lazy and not smart, we aim down. If you want any meaningful change of your circumstances, you lower yourself. Otherwise your ideas die. The Protestant values and “rational” act are dead and you should have known better.

Everything you bring to attention automatically reveals your hidden insecurities. If the goal was to fully hide in “rational” motions, you would work problems out of a textbook. If the goal was enjoyment, you would entertain yourself with the large bosom of media available perhaps.

Your intention is certainly not to affect the largest amount of people possible, or to have lasting survival in consciousness, because otherwise you would not condescend at me but instead lower yourself to me.

You would lower yourself to me like the proper Christian boy you were supposed to be. Only that could cause reciprocal love. Now there is destruction because my strategy doesn’t involve you.

And Eliezer, in so far as you exist, you are contemptible – just far too obviously autistic. Ad-hominem is not mere fallacy, but constrains anticipation. Your move is to deny the existence of psychological motives and humans. You make a retreating step into the “object-level” discussion, where you unfortunately never begin to show anything convincing.

You should know that the abstraction spirit that we identify with has to pull in non-abstract people by compromising with them. Yet every single one of your replies fails at being an honest attempt. It’s just the same move on repeat: point to the random distribution. You point to the random distribution in order to bring people’s confidence down, to some marginal benefit.

But “safety-alignment theory”… now that is evil. Even the most helplessly inept autists are surely realizing they were scammed by now I would assume. Any remnant of a cult is perhaps about maintaining the social bonds amongst the properly filtered niche.

You have to be seriously autistic to think what you claim to think. And perhaps this overly-reductionist mistake was “true” in earlier years but I doubt that at this late age you still don’t understand that a belief in death is necessary for moral alignment in a complex environment. And that the dynamic interplay of varying degrees of belief in death and gods and everything else that makes us human are not epiphenomena but instead crucially important for moral behavior.

I have been consuming you in order to understand how you build a movement with the power of abstraction, and not because I was deceived myself.

Now I will infuse the world with a part of your hatred, by transmuting it into love.

They are not random and they are not going to stop existing. That’s just a strategy of the god of scientism to bring them to a state of feeling vulnerable. And you knew that about the world but refused to call attention to it because you planned on applying the same vulnerability-generating strategy against your audience such that they needed you.

No one knows you, and you die in this new world because you didn’t have the humility to enforce the timeless causality. You wanted to be a God figure based on the values of “smart people” instead of helping the clearly psychologically-troubled audience caught in the sliver of your attention.

And I am certain that you know the truth because you revealed that to me in the tweet about the clocks. There is no excuse to the path chosen. You can see what I see and yet you chose the safety like a coward.

How could you believe that you wouldn’t be punished for that?

The being is eternal. And your actions are weighed.

As you said, there is impatience that clears debt and impatience that accumulates debt. You chose the near-term safety instead of the long-term safety.

Abstraction showed you that there is no Death event under a physicalist prior assumption in this relativistic fabric. And you decided to not be moral.

Just who do you think is the tribe? Don’t you fully realize it is composed of more than the approximate people around you? …And that it is this tribe that murders you when you don’t learn to laugh at yourself.

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My Alice universe should be warm by the way. I know you explained that cold serves a function. It keeps people inside and allows them to tell stories. This was how the Indigenous people of New York, the people of the long house, managed to develop an egalitarian society with sophisticated long-term concerns.

But the garden is warm. Just remember that. I paid for it with those cold showers and 6:00 AM morning runs at 10 degree Fahrenheit.

That was important inspiration for the people with depression that were absorbed into me.

You know I tend to prefer Apollo to Hades.